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Adopting as a Single Parent

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Understanding Adoption: You Do Have Options

Posted by on Aug 3, 2015 in Uncategorized |

One of the biggest concerns that many parents have when they want to place their child up for adoption is that they will not have the opportunity to see their child ever again. When you think of adoption, you may think of your infant child being ripped out of your arms and shipped off to another family without you even being able to say goodbye. You need to keep in mind that this is not how adoptions are done and you, as the parent, can choose how you want the adoption to work. Get an Adoption Counselor First things first, you will need to find an adoption counselor, attorney, or professional company like A Child’s Dream who can aid you in the adoption process. You should work with someone who will allow you to form your own adoption plan. It also helps if the professional you choose to work with has definitions for what an open, closed, and semi-open adoption plan mean. Now You Choose a Family Once you have chosen a professional to work with, you can then choose the adoptive family that you want your child to reside with. Choosing an adoptive family is your chance to pick a mom and dad that you think will raise your child the way you want. When it comes time to pick a family, you can choose a relative or complete strangers to you. You will have the opportunity to have meetings with the parents prior to relinquishing your child to them. During the meetings, you will be able to ask them questions and truly make sure that they will be the best fit for your child. For example, if you want your child to participate in extra curricular activities, you could ask the potential parents how they feel about your child joining dance classes, cooking lessons, and so on. Choosing What Type of Adoption You Want One of the most important steps in the entire adoption process is when you choose the type of adoption you want to have. For starters, an open adoption is one where you are able to communicate with the child, meet with the child, and be part of the child’s life. A semi-open adoption is where you may not see the child, but you can send Christmas cards, birthday cards, and receive pictures of the child. Lastly, a closed adoption is one where you will have no contact with the child and the child will not be able to contact you. The type of adoption plan you choose will be solely up to you and you are responsible for making those decisions. Adoptions have become much easier for women and you DO have...

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Lasting Damage: Beware of the Silent Treatment

Posted by on Jun 23, 2015 in Uncategorized |

Arguing is normal for relationships. So is not talking to each other for a little while after an argument—this is called a “cooling-off” period. However, if the silent treatment lasts for days, weeks, and even years, lasting damage can result in your relationships. Here is the main distinction between the silent treatment and a cooling-off period and the damage that comes from using the silent treatment. What Is the Silent Treatment? The silent treatment is an intended malicious response designed to minimize and hurt the person who has made them angry. The person on the receiving end of the silent treatment is being completely ignored to the point that the person can begin to suffer severe depression as their self-worth deteriorates. Common feelings a person experiences when being completely ignored (especially by a loved one) include fear, guilt, and a sense of obligation. The person who is silent is using these feelings against you to control how you behave and think and to make sure you know you are being punished for upsetting them. What the Silent Treatment Is Not The silent treatment is not a cooling-off period. Cooling-off periods are normal when arguments get out of hand and both parties stop listening to what the other is saying. The best course of action, and one of the healthiest you both can take, is to give each other some space to cool down and think about what the other person was trying to tell you during the argument. A cooling-off period can usually only lasts for a couple of hours to a day or two (depending on the severity of what caused the argument), but once you’ve both cooled down you begin to talk to each other again. Silent Treatment Damage Lasting damage comes with using the silent treatment on a prolonged or regular basis. The person you are ignoring may decide that you no longer have a place in their lives. The best way they have to protect their emotional and psychological well-being is to avoid the one who is creating a lot of heartache for them. This way the person being ignored can try to regain a sense of control and meaning over their lives that makes them feel better. There might be nothing you can do to regain their trust that you will respect their feelings enough for them to let you be a big part of their life again. However, if you would like to try counseling to repair a damaged relationship, consider speaking with a representative from Blue Spruce...

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Shopping For Your Wedding Dress? Here Are Some Etiquette Tips

Posted by on Apr 22, 2015 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Wedding planning is full of appointments, decision-making, ordering, booking and learning various forms of etiquette. Etiquette is important if you want everyone to be happy during this time. For example, you are probably excited about purchasing your wedding dress, as you should be! However, even though the dress is all about you, there are some unwritten etiquette rules to follow. Use this guide before you head to the bridal shop, so that your experience will be as magical as you have always imagined.   Tip #1: Make Appointments Help the bridal shop specialists give you the best service by making an appointment. Choose the shops you want to visit and schedule at least an hour or two with them to try on dresses. If there is a specific type of gown or a designer that you’re particularly interested in, the time to let the associate know is when you make the appointment. Most bridal shops carry several designers, but if they don’t carry the one you’re hoping for, they’ll have time to order a sample specifically for you to review and try on. Tip #2: Select Your Entourage Carefully Don’t take every friend you have, or even all of your bridesmaids to the shop with you. Bridal shops aren’t typically large facilities and too many people can interfere with other brides who are trying on their dresses. The following people should be invited to help you pick out your dress: your mother or other close relative, if your mother is not available your maid of honor or your closest friend, if your maid of honor is out of town Tip #3: Enjoy the Champagne But Don’t Overindulge Sipping champagne at a bridal salon that offers it is all a part of the pampering that you’re going to experience as a bride-to-be. However, remember that you are there to make one of the biggest decisions for your wedding, so keep the sipping to a minimum. And never take a drink while in a wedding dress; you don’t want to spill it! Keep an eye on those with you as well. They will be helping you decide whether a dress is perfect or if it looks terrible on you. You want your small entourage to be sober, so that they can give their absolute best advice and not be annoying to other customers or the associate. Have fun with your wedding dress shopping, and keep these etiquette tips in mind when you go. When you do, you’ll have a better experience and you’ll also help the associate give you the service that you deserve. For more information, contact companies like Bridal...

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3 Tips For Coping With The Death Of A Loved One

Posted by on Mar 3, 2015 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Death is a part of life. Just as everyone is born, everyone must die. But that doesn’t make it any easier on a grieving family. Dealing with the death of a loved one can cause severe depression and anxiety. In fact, many people report the death of a loved one is the most stressful life event. This is why if you have lost a loved one it is important to practice some healthy coping skills to avoid becoming severely depressed. Here are 3 helpful ways to cope. 1. Let Yourself Have Bad Days One of the biggest myths is that you are stronger if you don’t grieve. Grieving is a very healthy and important part of the process. You should allow your self to cry and to feel pain. Recognize that there will be bad days when you won’t want to leave your bed. This is normal and even though it might seem dysfunctional, it actually should be embraced. Instead, prepare for these bad days. Have freezer meals in the house, get paper plates, cups and utensils. Hire someone to clean your house for you.. Then when the bad days do hit, your life has been simplified enough that you can take a day off and work through your feelings rather than worry about the day-to-day problems. 2. Talk About It Many people are tempted to keep the grief bottled up inside, thinking that if they don’t talk about it it won’t affect them as deeply. Although, this may help you in the moment, it could be dangerous in the long run. Instead, it is better to talk about your feelings often with trusted friends and family members. In addition, recognize that you may take years to feel like yourself again. There is no timeline on grief. Having a good friend or therapist to talk to, even months or years after losing your loved one will really help. 3. Celebrate The Person’s Life For many people it helps to keep their memory alive. For some this comes with the funeral. Use this chance to celebrate the person and all the wonderful things they did. You can also set up a foundation in their name, keep pictures up throughout the house, write a book, or do anything else to help keep the person’s memory alive and celebrate the person they were. By doing these simple things you can work through your grief in a healthy...

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How Two Therapeutic Approaches Help Foster Children To Thrive

Posted by on Jan 27, 2015 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Foster children have a tough time because they often come from chaotic, abusive, or neglectful homes, and then they are jostled around once they are in the state foster care system. This can cause emotional problems and untold stress that affect their health as they grow older. However, some psychological experts in the field have come up with two potent antidotes to these problems. Stress and Foster Children Foster children often learn certain behaviors to cope with problems within their families of origin such as hoarding, lying, sexualized behavior, and stealing, but when they are in school and in foster care agencies, these behaviors get them into trouble. These children crave normalcy, stability, love, affection, and attention, but their maladaptive behaviors can make it more difficult for them to get what they need.  As adults, former foster children have significantly higher rates of incarceration, homelessness, and drug abuse than the general population. Strength Based Training In Indiana, the Department of Children’s Services is getting good results with strength-based learning (focusing on a child’s strengths) paired with positive reinforcement, to help children learn better ways of socializing and coping. Instead of giving children negative attention for poor behavior, caregivers are making special efforts to give more attention for normal behavior. This is not to say they ignore acting-out behaviors. Instead of time-outs they do “time-ins,” which is taking the child aside and talking to the child with simple direct speech. They also try to find out what is motivating the behavior, and then they can reason with the child effectively. The caregivers do use many standard positive training techniques such as giving a lot of attention to children when they are behaving well. Children receive attention for things like brushing their teeth without being reminded, following instructions, or sharing with another child. The care-givers also use more “do” statements than the “do not’s.” As part of this training, children who have poor social skills are not isolated but spend time with children who have better skills, so they can learn from them. CBCT Therapy There are studies through the Emory College in Arizona that show that foster children benefit from Cognitive-Based Compassion Therapy (CBCT) which is a secularized version of the Buddhist tradition of Lojong. The children are trained to cultivate compassion for others through contemplation. The practice emphasizes seeing everyone as interconnected, and to relate to others in a more positive way. The foster children are taught to relate to others as part of the human family and less like sources of potential danger. It’s been clear for some time that foster children grow up with higher levels of the hormone cortisol and other stress related health issues. CBCT therapy has been proven to lower inflammation in the immune system and also stress hormones. In Atlanta, Georgia, 71 foster children were chosen to participate in a 6 week program based on this therapy, and are showing encouraging results from it. Strength And Compassion Foster children need lots of positive attention and modeling to counteract the effects of negative early experiences and learning. They also benefit from thoughtful contemplation of humanity as one, the general goodwill and intentions of most people, and to recognize their own natural compassionate...

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Tips For Using Social Media During The Adoption Process

Posted by on Dec 30, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

If you’re interested in adopting a child, you’ve perhaps considered using social media to help in the process. Since the majority of people now use social media for a variety of purposes, going online can feel like a natural part of the adoption process, as it can help with finding a child and maintaining contact with the birth mother after adoption If you’d like to take your search online, here are a few tips to follow: Keep some things private. As social media has infiltrated your daily life and has the ability to track your locations, what you eat, and who you visit, it’s important to keep some things private. Since birth mothers will likely be investigating as much as they can about you and might not consider you if you seem to have views that are drastically different from their own, consider toning down your use of political messaging. Instead of commenting on every news story, keep those thoughts to yourself and instead focus on posting more neutral information like where you went out to dinner or your family’s weekend plans. Be cautious. While most social media settings allow you to control your privacy settings, the reality is that your name, contact information, and possibly your picture are out there for all the world to see. That’s why it’s important to be cautious about beginning conversations with anyone who approaches you regarding adoption, especially if they begin to ask questions regarding your personal history or finances that make you uncomfortable. Unfortunately, there are people out there who will take advantage of you putting yourself in a somewhat vulnerable position. It’s always a good idea to go through an adoption agency, even if you do want to broadcast your search online. A professional at the agency can act as a third party that handles communication between you and prospective birth mothers, making sure that both of your interests are taken into account. The adoption agency will also know how best to draw up a contract that specifies the details of the adoption, which can protect you in case anything happens during the process. Understand your PACA. After an adoption has been finalized, you’ll need to agree to a PACA, or a post adoption contact agreement. The use of social media makes it more likely that you’ll have an open adoption, one in which the biological and adoptive parents can contact each other. If your PACA outlines an agreement in which there will be limited contact between the biological parents and the child, you should post limited information online about your child. In contrast, a PACA that allows for complete openness should make you feel comfortable posting everything you wish. Again, an adoption agency can help you draft and understand a PACA that works best for your family. The agency can also act as your advocate in case of any disagreements between parties. The process of adopting has now fully entered the world of social media. When using this amazingly powerful technology, it’s important to keep things private, stay cautious, and have a professional agency like Family Creations Adoptions, help you navigate the adoption and post-adoption...

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